Our house must sit in a crater about 25,000 feet below sea level which makes it virtually impossible to get a cell phone signal yet alone TV or radio reception even with the assist of an antenna. Occasionally, if the wind is coming from the northeast, the moon is blue and the tides are high we can get one local channel…sort of. It’s a bit fuzzy with a lot of static but it is one channel nonetheless.
Being concerned with goings on topside the crater, and wanting to stay informed by the National Emergency Broadcast System of any impending doom such as world wide alien attack, we’ve allowed ourselves a frivolous luxury. This luxury comes in the form of the monthly expense of satellite television from DirecTV. We are one-step up from the Family package. I guess the already 150 channels of nothing on wasn’t enough to quench our thirst for the senseless so we went all out and splurged…we have the Choice Plan. We are the proud renters of 263 some odd channels…of again…nothing on. I suppose it’s really unfair to say that since a few in my opinion are enjoyable and do have merit. I like the History, Animal Planet, Discovery, Science and National Geographic channels…and whatever channel the X-Files is on if I can ever remember what it is.
Being a
Fibromyalgia sufferer, having insomnia comes with the
territory and has become the norm. I’m usually
up odd hours and try to fill those hours with something useful
but once in a while when nothing’s pressing, I’ll find myself drawn
and starring at the squawk box, surfing from channel to channel
in quiet desperation, hoping to be entertained or possibly educated.
Alas, often disappointed by my 263 options, I end up selecting
channels that after
Ahhhh yes…the infomercial…so much can be said about the half hour shows with the enthusiastic audience and persuasive sales representatives committed to convincing consumers into believing, wanting and needing everything from the automatic self-cleaning liter box to the giant therapeutic pyramid guaranteed to produce immediate health benefits. I’m still wondering if the body toxin removing foot pads really work. As embarrassed as I am to admit, all these products start looking pretty darn appealing…particularly after a few weeks of serious sleep depravation.
Billy Mays and his promotional efforts of products…not yet available in stores…have my wish list growing fast and now include the, Fix It Scratch Remover Kit, Hercules Hooks, Mighty Putty and the Dryer Max. I hope these products gain enough popularity to be supplied by local retailers. More importantly I hope they live up to my over inflated expectations because thanks to good old Billy, I’m now convinced and afraid the house will burn to the ground from lint trapped in the dryer. Our home and personal safety is at risk until I can get my hands on the Dryer Max.
If only we were content with one local channel, I may never have discovered or been tempted to purchase these modern day marvels…not yet available in stores.
To date I think I’ve shown remarkable restraint and have made only one purchase of any item first seen on TV. Okay two products, I confess, I do buy OxiClean on a regular basis. The other item was discovered about five years ago and stuck in my head since the night it was introduced to my world. The object of want was Ron Popeil’s Showtime Rotisserie Grill. The audience’s mantra of ‘Set It and Forget It” must have left a permanent dent in my overtired impressionable mind.
I actively searched stores for the grill, which is unusual since I detest most forms of shopping. Shopping (like cooking) is an unavoidable evil and should be done only when absolutely necessary, which is usually once a month and around the time we’re about to run out of Coke and toilet paper. To my disappointment when I finally found the grill, the price was too high. I hoped like most things seen on TV that the retail price would be lower. With regret, I accepted the fact this particular purchase was not meant to be. I would forever torture my poor husband with unattractive chickens that have been baked, boiled or had a beer can shoved up their butt. It’s been five years; I had come to terms with our inability to obtain the coveted Showtime Grill.
Then…last month during our once a month excursion to the big city for food and essentials, we made our way to Walmart. As the electric doors parted, the bright lights of the main isle illuminated about fifty shiny red, white and blue cartons. On top of the cartons was the sign with the big yellow smiley face telling us it was on sale NOW for $58.97. My husband and I looked at each other, smiled and in unison exclaimed with delight, “Set It and Forget It”. Even though the model was a compact unit, hence explaining the lower price, we didn’t care. Besides, how many chickens can two people eat anyway? The Showtime Grill just entered our price range, that’s all that mattered. This was the first thing to enter our cart. The second was a half a dozen chickens.
We’ve been cooking off and on with the grill for almost a month now and I’m happy to report it performs better than we expected and with less energy cost than if cooking on or in the stove. It isn’t often you find something advertised that does exactly what they say it will do.
As far as the rest of the items on my wish list, I'll patiently wait until they’re available in stores. This is for easy return in the event they don’t work exactly as described. I only hope my house doesn’t burn to the ground while I wait for the Dryer Max!